The other day, I was scrolling through some social media apps. One. Then another.  Because apparently, you can't just use one. They all have to be connected in some way to make you go from one, then the other, then back again, then Refresh. Photos, Reels, Tweets, the occasional ad. I was looking at them with the focus of a toddler on two hours of sleep and a tummy full of Kool-Aid. The red one. The O.G.. 

Then, in the mindless abyss of hypnotic blue light and images and texts and dances and cute puppies and, "I'm a potato"...  I paused on one.  

An Actor, a well known one, one who's work I respect and watch with a student's eye, had posted a tweet. I'm not going to link to it, or quote it word for word here. Because on the phenomenally infinite chance this Actor sees this, or someone he knows tells him about it, I don't want him to hate me. I want to work with him someday. So don't tell him I said this stuff. 

It was a simple tweet, about how making selftape after selftape and sending them in makes this Actor feel crazy and want to do some crazy stuff. 

That was it. Nothing big, right? Nothing offensive or divisive or political. Believe me, this Actor has posted some really divisive things in the past. Most I happen to agree with. Which is another reason I keep following him. He's even had people threaten bodily harm to him because of his opinions and words. I feel like I've gone viral if I get two Likes on my tweets. 

The reason I mention what he said is because I almost replied to him on Twitter. Straight to him. Right in his Reply box. But I didn't. So I decided to write about it here instead. You know. Where there's less of a chance he'll see it, but I can still talk about it. So don't tell him. 

My initial response was going to be, "You talk about having to do so many selftape auditions; and I can't even get an Agent to give me the time of day. I can only dream of having too many selftape auditions to send in." I typed it out. I thought that was a good response. Then I read it back to myself and figured it was too long. So I edited it. "Pssh! I can only DREAM of having too many self-tape auditions to send in." That was better. But I couldn't decide on how to spell, "Pssh!". The internet wasn't really a big help. Nothing in Webster's Dictionary. So I cut it out. Then, as I stared at my  phone and the Reply button glowed, I decided to chuck the whole thing. No need to respond. But the thought never went away. It's only been a couple of days, but I'm still thinking about it. 

Because, seriously! I do dream of having a career like this Actor has. I know he said he has to send in selftapes, so he's still auditioning. He's not getting straight offers on a million roles. But, I know he still gets to choose what role he wants to take and when. He gets to wear the suit, or the tactical gear, or the spandex, or whatever he wants for whichever character he wants. Because he has that kind of career. He's earned it. When he wants to work, he can. He's "Livin' The Dream" and tweeting all about it. 

Meanwhile, I am here sending in submission after submission to Agents all over. Their responses? Less than my "viral" tweets. Zero. I can't get a response from any of them. Believe me, I've tried so many. 
It almost makes this Actor crazy and want to do crazy things. 
Hmm. Maybe I do understand his tweet a little more then. 
Because no matter what level I'm at or he is at. No matter which Agent I have or don't have, or which A List/B List/L, M, N, O, P List any of us are on, we all still struggle with the same thing. 

We're all just trying to be seen.