So I booked this job. It’s coming soon and I’m really looking forward to doing it. It’s with a great company, awesome cast, beautiful location, wonderful script. The timing works out perfectly to do the rehearsals, do the performances, make some money, then go on that needed family vacation we’ve been talking about for years.
So why do I feel so… I don’t know. Nervous? Scared? Sad? Worried? Why, when I’m being faced with employment in my dream job, do I feel like I’m looking down into an abyss? I haven’t been this nervous to do a gig in, gosh, decades.
But it’s coming, even though I don’t have my contract yet and I’m fighting off a wicked case of Imposter Syndrome, because it feels like they’ve finally realized I’m not supposed to be there so that’s why I haven’t received my contract yet.
This is a new, again, feeling for me. These nerves. Maybe it’s because I haven’t done an acting gig like this in over a year –thanks covid-19. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been on stage in a long time, saying words, remembering blocking, playing music, interacting with other humans in front of other humans. I don’t know.
Whatever it is, after the year I’ve had, we’ve all had, it’s nice to feel. Even if those feelings are new, again. They’re a gentle reminder I’m still here. I am. And pretty soon, I’ll be there. With people, remembering stuff, saying words, in front of people. That feels pretty good.