The show came to a close. Not just the show, but a three city tour of this celebrated Playsical*, finally came to its conclusion. We worked so hard. We sacrificed so much. We traveled from California to Washington to Oregon. Performed in front of Gente and all the colors of the rainbow. We racked up the airline miles and credit card debts. We relished in the standing ovations and laughter and tears. It was the best of times. We made a lot of locura.

Then it happened. Like it always does when a show closes. It’s not done out of malice, or an attempt to embarrass, but when it happens, it typically causes all the symptoms you see in those Big Pharma commercials.

May cause:

• Upset stomach.
• Diarrhea.
• Dry mouth.
• Change in activity or mood.
• Dizziness.
• Flushing, sweating.
• Rashes.
• Headache
• Anal leakage
• Bleeding from the eyes
• Quoting ‘Mean Girls’
• An inability to turn right
• In rare occasions, Super Death

It could come from anyone. An audience member. A Castmate. A member of the crew. Or someone you met in a restaurant. You never really know who will ask it. But, you know it’s coming and the anticipation and anxiety of it is Hitchcockian.

“So…What’s next?”

Ask most Actors when their show closes this question and you will see before you a person experiencing most, if not all, the symptoms listed above. All in an instant. You will witness the event horizon of a black hole in their eyes. You will hear a sigh so deep, you would swear the intake of oxygen just made it rain in Nepal. (Hold for laughter. It’s not coming? Move on. Quickly!)

To be fair, not every Actor has the same reaction every time their show closes. There are those rare times when they have another project already lined up. A film, another play, a few episodes of a tv series. Some even have decided to take a pause on this troubadour lifestyle and spend time with their families. Or take a vacation.

This question was asked of me when the show I just did closed. I knew it was coming. I also knew, for the first time in months, I had no answer to it. When it was asked in California, the answer was “Washington then Oregon.” When it was asked in Washington, the answer was “Oregon”. When it was asked in Oregon, there was no answer. I didn’t have one anymore. I didn’t even realize how each time that question was asked, in each city, it was like a countdown. The bell tolled for me. I didn’t know what to do.

I don’t know what’s next. I know I’m searching. I know I want to spend time with my family. I know I have some big changes ahead. I know I’m experiencing most of the side-effects. I’m not quoting Mean Girls, since I’ve never seen it. Don’t @ me!

In the meantime, I’m moving forward. That’s important, right? Keep moving forward. Although it’s a scary thing not knowing what is next, I’m looking forward to it. Whatever it is.

*Playsical – A term coined by award-winning composer-lyricist, writer, and music director Jesse Sanchez to denote a ‘Play with Music’.