I’m so lost.

I have a gig coming up and it’s a good one. One I did last year and one I had a lot of fun doing. One might say, it was a snowstorm of fun. A gift of fun. Something that I had been trying to do for a long time, and I finally got to do it. I did a job, had a lot of fun and got paid for it. So I have that to look forward to.

The only thing is, I don’t have anything for after that gig. I auditioned for something. Something cool. Something that was intriguing and exciting. I got really far in the audition process and thought, for sure, I was going to get the role. Even had other people telling me I was going to book it. I would’ve put money on it.

But it’s been two weeks since I sent in my Callback videos and nothing. Not a peep. I mean, I knew I was still in the running about a week ago. But today, nothing. No news, this time, is not great news.

So I’m lost. Equity has no auditions coming up. Nothing is in the works. There are no projects happening. I’m lost.

Which is why I’m writing this. Because even though I’m about to start another gig that takes me to Christmas Eve, and I don’t have anything after that, I am writing to do something. Because if I want to be something and do something, I have to do something to become something. That’s a lot of something. But hopefully my meaning comes across.

If my dreams are going to come true, I need to do an activity that will make them happen. So today, on a day when I feel lost and a little rejected, when I feel tired and nostalgic about jobs past, when I feel nervous about what’s to come, I write it out. Because that’s doing something.